Insecure


I am afraid I will never be enough.


That sentence has been implanted in my brain since the beginning of the new year. This new year did not start off the way I visioned but I believed in myself enough to get out of the hole I dug myself in. I wish I could say that the remainder of the last couple months have been sunshine and rainbows but I would be lying to myself if I did. Honestly, I have been really struggling with believing in myself and my insecurities have been coming out more than usual.


I am just afraid of not being enough. Maybe it has to do with my past relationships or things I never accepted about myself.


If I am being honest, the relationship I have with God is hiding under the rocks. I have just been going through a lot emotionally and the time I need God the most is the time I have been turning away. It is not that I stopped believing or I gave up on my faith. I have just been feeling as if I am not good enough to even have a relationship with Him. I know that sounds ridiculous but I have just been feeling stuck and not myself.


Many times I have caught myself feeling insecure on the littlest things. Yet to me, it is the biggest things. I am really trying to get myself out of this and it is just hard. Today was the first time I prayed and it felt like a prayer.


I am writing this blog post because I told myself I would post weekly and I failed. If you are a subscriber of my blog I ask if you pray over my situation and I ask if you hold me accountable if you do not see a post from me in a while. Writing is the one thing that keeps me sane and I have not been able to get myself to write lately.


With much love,

Diana



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