I am writing this post at 10 am and to be honest, my day already started not the greatest. Lately, I have just been doubting everything. I feel as if my mind is drowning with fears. Fears of not being good enough and fears of not getting to where God has called me.
For the past month, (maybe even longer if I am being real with you) I have prayed the same prayer over and over again. Sometimes when I pray the same prayer I just feel as I am constantly repeating myself and I have caught myself asking, "God are you even listening?"
I whole heartily believe in Jesus Christ and I get so angry at myself that I have this constant doubt. I read my bible every morning to just start my day off strong but sometimes, like today my day starts with fear.
I just started reading 1 Peter and to me, I received a message that hit me in the chest so hard that I just had to close my Bible. I began to feel all the doubt inside me and I began to just hate myself for getting angry at God that things are not going as planned.
I do not think anything has gone as planned for me which is completely fine because sometimes I need reminders that it is not my plan it is God's plan.
I can preach a word to other people about confidence and why you should put your trust in Christ even when things are not going your way but then that makes no sense for me to encourage someone else if I can not encourage myself.
I always want to be as authentic as possible on my blog because sometimes my life is not all that it seems. I struggle, oh man do I struggle.
Just the other day, I was listening to an Instagram live about people who are dealing with depression/doubt/anxiety and, someone mentioned in the chat that "God is going to use your weakness to turn it into your greatest strength." I pray that is true. For years, I have struggled with who I am. Especially as a believer. I feel as your emotions get heightened as you follow after Christ because the enemy so badly wants you to doubt God.
Doubt is a painful experience.
1 Peter 3:13-17
13Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good?14But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats.15Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it.16But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ.17Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good, if that is what God wants, than to suffer for doing wrong!
All believers must be ready to explain the hope they have. The truth we often overlook, though, is that we can not be ready with answers unless we first ask the questions ourselves.